Birth Mothers: Choosing and working with a lawyer

May 23, 2010

Birth Mothers: 6 Things to Know about Working with a Lawyer

May 23rd 2010 Posted to Birth Mothers

For many birth mothers who have decided to place their babies for adoption, it is the first time they have ever worked with a lawyer. Here are six tips to make the process less intimidating.

Know that your legal expenses will be paid by the adoptive parents. Many birth mothers don’t realize that the adoptive family will pay for their lawyers’ fees and any court costs involved in the adoption.

Know that you have the right to a lawyer who represents only you. Although the lawyer’s fees are paid by the adoptive parents, that lawyer represents only you, your interests, and what you want. If you feel that the lawyer is pressuring you to go through with the adoption or have any doubts that he or she is looking out for your best interests, find another lawyer.

Don’t be afraid to ask your lawyer to help you get what you want. So many birth mothers feel that they don’t have the right to ask for what they want, but nothing could be further from the truth. If you want to have a say in what the baby’s name is, keep your baby’s hospital bracelet or footprints, or get photos of your baby twice a year, ask your lawyer to negotiate this for you. Similarly, your lawyer can advise you about what expenses the adoptive parents are allowed to pay for you. Remember that even though you are placing your child for adoption, it’s still your child, and you are in the driver’s seat until after your consent to the adoption is final.

If you are confused about the process, ask your lawyer to explain it again. And again. And again, until you are absolutely comfortable that you understand. How long do you have to change your mind about the adoption? Is the adoptive family’s promise to send you photos every year enforceable? How long will the adoptive family pay for counseling for you? If your lawyer can’t answer your questions about the adoption process, find another lawyer.

Take advantage of the fact that you have a lawyer to help you with awkward moments. While it can be tempting to call the adoptive parents directly to talk about issues with the adoption, it’s a better idea to call your lawyer instead. The lawyer is an objective person who knows your rights and who can negotiate for you without getting emotional.

Don’t be afraid to ask your lawyer to help you find more support. In addition to knowing the law, a good lawyer will know about resources like support groups, help with medical care, welfare, and other resources that can help you during the adoption process, and even resources to help you keep your baby, if that’s what you want.