Why This Straight, Married Virginia Lawyer Supports LGBT Families

The website Mombian has organized their 7th annual Blogging for LGBT Families Day, when bloggers are invited to show their support for LGBT families on their blogs, and I’m proud to take part.

People are often surprised when I tell them how many billable hours I give away for free to LGBT couples building or protecting their families. Why would a straight, married lawyer in a conservative state like Virginia make this her cause? Let’s talk about that. There are two reasons.

Reason #1: I believe that LGBT equality is the major civil rights issue of my generation. When I was in law school, I took a class on the role of lawyers in the American civil rights movement of the 1950′s and ’60′s. Much of the important work of gaining equality for black Americans was accomplished in the courts. I so admired the brave lawyers (black and white alike) who fought these legal battles for no other reason than that it was the right thing to do. They lost a lot of cases. It must have been incredibly discouraging. But they didn’t give up, because what was at stake was basic human dignity. I believe that the same is true of LGBT equality. There is a significant portion of our population whose families are simply not legally recognized in a majority of states. I believe that this is going to appear just as horrifying to future generations as segregation does to us today.

Reason #2: I believe in protecting children. Whatever you may feel about adults and their intimate relationships, I think we can all agree that children ought to be protected. In states where gay and lesbian relationships are not legally recognized, children are left frighteningly vulnerable. Here is just one example. Say a gay or lesbian couple has a child via sperm donation, or one parent adopts a child (since state law does not allow them to adopt as a couple). The parent who has not given birth to or adopted the child has no legal relationship to that child. None. So, if the birth or adoptive parent dies or becomes incapacitated, the child has (ready?) no legal parent. The child could very well go to foster care and be raised by a stranger rather than the person who has been a de facto parent for all of his or her life. I have to think that even if you are against gay marriage, it’s hard to view that scenario as being in the best interests of the child.

Recognition of gay marriage would provide a host of other benefits for children of same-sex couples, including allowing them to be covered by both parents’ health insurance, giving clarity to custody disputes in the event of a breakup, allowing them to inherit from both parents, and much more.

Speaking of children’s best interests, it makes no sense to me that with over 5,800 children in foster care in the state of Virginia alone, gay and lesbian couples are not permitted to foster or adopt.

I have heard the argument that refusal to recognize LGBT parental rights is to protect children; that being raised by same-sex parents makes children gay or teaches them poor moral values or subjects them to teasing by peers. However, I take an evidence-based approach to most things in life, and all studies conducted on same-sex families show that children of same-sex couples do as well or better on measures of academic achievement, development, behavior, and self esteem than children of heterosexual couples (you can read more about that here). In fact, most of the time when you hear statistics claiming that children do better “with both a mother and a father,” the studies are comparing outcomes between two-parent families and single-parent families, not between heterosexual parents and homosexual parents.

Today when I was talking to my hairdresser about this issue, she remarked “I wonder if Virginia will ever come around and recognize gay families.” I told her “yes, they will. Because I won’t give up until they do.” It happened in the sixties, and it will happen again. Because basic human dignity is too important to let go.

Do you have more questions about adoption? Contact The Vaughan Firm to speak with an adoption attorney.


  1. June 3rd, 2012 | 11:29 pm

    Hear, hear! Thank goodness for everyone fighting this fight. I wish I could do more, myself!

  2. June 7th, 2012 | 4:59 pm

    Thanks for participating in Blogging for LGBT Families Day! I wish we had more allies like you!

  3. Wesley Davidson
    August 12th, 2012 | 8:37 pm

    Please let me know when your next Blogging for LGBT Families Day takes place. I have an advice blog Straight Parent Gay Kid and blog for Gay Agenda. Thanks, Wesley Davidson

  4. EVaughan
    August 13th, 2012 | 1:13 pm

    Hi, Wesley. Blogging for LGBT Families day is organized by the site Mombian, not by me. Since the event is annual and was on June 1 this year, I would guess it will be on or about June 1 next year as well. I’m sure they’ll be glad to have another voice in the mix!

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