Back home in the United States, the IRS gave some adoptive families a scare by auditing many who claimed the adoption tax credit in 2010.
The entertainment world couldn’t seem to keeps its hands off of adoption topics this year, but no one seemed to be able to come up with an accurate portrayal. Kung Fu Panda II angered some adoptive parents with its portrayal of an adopted child looking for his “real” parents, a surprise since one of the voices in the film, Angelina Jolie, is an adoptive parent herself. Meanwhile on TV, Glee also missed the mark in its portrayal of adoption topics.
What other news in adoption affected your family this year? What developments are on your adoption wish list for 2012?
I’ve noticed a lot of positive adoption stories in the news during the past year or so, such as this one about the Tully family and this one about twins adopted from China by separate families. This makes me happy, because in the past, the media have tended to cover only negative adoption stories, such as heart-wrenching custody disputes or abusive adoptive parents. While these sad stories may make good headlines, I think it’s important that we show the public the positive difference that adoption usually makes in the lives of children and families.
If I could wave my magic wand and change the way that the media covers adoption, I would want to see more stories about healthy open adoptions. Most of the families I know with open adoptions have remarkable stories that anyone would consider a good read, and I think the public is currently in the dark about the prevalence of open adoption and its positive outcomes. Second, I would want to see better coverage of the birth parents’ side of the story in adoption. Particularly in cases where custody is contested, like the Baby Emma case, news coverage tends to focus on the grief and anger of the adoptive parents, with less concern for the birth mothers and fathers who are equally wounded by the experience. I think that showing a balanced view of the situation and focusing on the best interests of the child could start a really interesting public dialogue about how we can improve adoption in the U.S.
What do you think about media coverage of adoption? Is it too negative? Too rosy? Is it fair to all parties? Weigh in on this topic in the comments or send me an email at evaughan (at) vaughanfirm (dot) com.
According to new research published in the journal Autism Week, doctors are now able to diagnose autism using an MRI brain scan to observe activity in the brain. In a study of 60 children, doctors were able to detect autism 94 percent of the time using this method. While it doesn’t answer the many questions parents have about what causes autism and how to treat it, the research is a tremendous stride towards understanding autism better.
So, what does this have to do with adoption? Many adopted children, particularly those adopted from institutions with lower standards of attention and care, are diagnosed with autism or “autism spectrum disorders,” meaning that they display some symptoms of autism at varying levels of severity. However, the fact that most adopted children recover from these symptoms within weeks or months of arriving home with their adoptive families, and the fact that their symptoms appear to be the product of their upbringing and not their biology, has led researchers to conclude that this “institutional autism” is not really autism at all. Check out this paper, for example, to learn about the differences.
Reading about the recent research on MRI scanning and autism made me wonder if perhaps the MRI technology might be able to help adoptive parents learn whether their children truly have autism, or whether their autism-like symptoms are due to environmental factors. From there, they could better determine the best way to treat their child’s symptoms.
Do you have a child with autism or a child who was misdiagnosed with autism? Please share your stories in the comments or via email at evaughan (at) vaughanfirm (dot) com.
Adult adoptees are a primary source for knowledge about adoption as an institution. Their perceptions are unique, for adult adoptees are actually the only persons who can tell us what it is like to live adoption in a society in which most people are not adopted.
Yesterday a friend asked me a question that caught me a little off guard. We were talking about my adoption law practice, and she asked in a bewildered voice “What makes people decide to place their children for adoption?” For those who have never been in that position, it can be hard to understand what might make a birth parent decide to make an adoption plan for their child. The truth is, every birth parent is different. Below are a few of the reasons I have heard in my practice from birth mothers and fathers.
I am overwhelmed financially and/or emotionally.
I am not in a relationship, and I want my child to be raised by two parents.
My pregnancy was unplanned and I just don’t feel prepared [in terms of maturity, life plans, finances, or emotions] to raise a child.
I want my child to have siblings and extended family, and I can’t give him that.
I was a victim of rape and I don’t feel psychologically able to raise her.
I don’t want my child to grow up in the kind of neighborhood/environment that I did.
I don’t have the support I need to be a single parent.
I have substance abuse problems and didn’t feel it was fair to make my child wait for me to get better.
I am a single parent working a demanding schedule and I don’t feel I can give my child the life he deserves.
A combination of the above factors and more.
I could go on and on, as there are as many reasons as there are birth parents choose adoption. Note two things that you will never see on this list: “I didn’t love my child” or “I wanted to party and have fun with no responsibilities.” Making an adoption plan is the hardest choice a parent can ever face, and I have never met a parent who took it lightly. During National Adoption Month, my thoughts are with parents who have made this life-altering choice out of love.
Yesterday I attended the type of hearing that no adoption lawyer, parent, or judge ever wants to see: A case where the birth mother had changed her mind about the adoption after the baby had already been placed with the adoptive family. While these cases are extremely rare, they are also extraordinarily heartbreaking. No one wants to take a baby away from a birth mother who wants to keep him or her, but on the other hand, babies need permanency, stability, and bonding, and the law is designed to give them that. In this case, the judge ruled that the birth mother had changed her mind too late, and that her revocation period (the time she has to cancel the adoption under the law) had expired. The baby will stay with her adoptive family.
These cases are so painful that I decided to write about how to avoid them. This post is for birth parents, adoptive parents, and adoption professionals. Let’s talk about some ways to stay out of the courtroom.
1. Make sure the birth mother understands exactly what her rights are…and aren’t. It is incredibly important that the birth mother understands her legal rights completely and in detail. This is the most important thing that all parties can do to make sure an adoption goes smoothly.
Adoption professionals at the agency, attorneys for all parties, and social workers should all check to make sure that the birth mother understands what her consent means, how long she has to revoke that consent, and how to go about revoking it (in many states, this must be in writing). They should also check to make sure that the birth mother has been offered an independent lawyer and counseling, and that she got it if she wanted it. Birth parents, you are ultimately responsible for protecting your own rights. If you are not sure you understand something (like when it will be too late to change your mind, or what you should do if you change your mind), ask. Don’t be embarrassed to keep asking until you are sure you understand. Adoptive parents, be proactive by asking your agency or adoption lawyer what they do to make absolutely sure that the birth mother understands her rights. If they don’t have a solid answer to that question, consider choosing a different adoption professional.
2. Respect the birth father from day one. It takes two parents to have a baby, and two parents have important legal rights. Adoption professionals, treat the birth father as a party to the process from the very beginning, making all best efforts to notify him of the adoption plan, letting him know of his right to an independent attorney, and asking for his consent. You might be surprised how many birth fathers oppose adoptions because the resent the fact that their rights as fathers were not respected. They want to be asked, and well they should.
Birth parents must recognize their responsibilities, too. Even if it’s embarrassing, birth mothers should be completely honest about who the father is, or who he could be, if she has had multiple partners (Note: The only exception is if you are afraid of the birth father harming you. There are laws to protect you in this case, so ask your lawyer, agency, or social worker). Men who think they could be fathers should register with the Putative Father Registry in their state, if there is one. Adoptive parents, once again, ask your lawyer or agency what they do to make sure the birth father’s rights are respected.
3. Get all your “issues” on the table early. Most birth parents and adoptive parents have certain ideas about what their adoption should be like. It’s important to talk openly about the issues that are important to you from the very beginning. For example, if the adoptive family wants absolutely no contact with the birth mother after the adoption is final, and the birth mother wants photographs twice a year, then that is not a good match. It’s essential to know as early as possible if the two parties’ wishes are incompatible. Adoptive parents and birth parents, talk as early as possible about how much contact the parties should have, who will be present at the birth, major health conditions (of the adoptive parents or the child), and anything else you can think of that might be a “deal breaker” for you. Adoption professionals, try to get as much information as you can from your client about what they want the adoption to be like and what they consider a “deal breaker,” and encourage them to share as much information as possible with the other party.
4. Talk openly about “red flags.” In this post, I talked about “red flags” that could indicate that a birth mother might be more likely to change her mind about the adoption. Some of these include a birth mother who is under pressure from her parents or other family to keep the baby, a birth mother who gets back together with a birth father, or a birth mother who changes her story a lot or seems to be hiding something. Adoptive parents and birth parents can make the adoption go more smoothly by talking (in person or through their lawyers or agency) as openly as possible about their concerns. Adoption professionals can advise birth mothers and adoptive parents about these red flags and try to explore the parties’ feelings early on in the process.
5. Know that contested adoptions are rare. All this may sound very scary, but the truth is that the nightmare scenario of the birth mother who changes her mind is extremely uncommon. Take the steps above to make it even more unlikely that it could happen to you.
Disrupted adoptions are not just bad for adoptive parents and birth parents – they are bad for children. Children need and deserve stability in their lives, and being moved from one home and caregiver to another is incredibly disruptive. By planning an adoption carefully and thoughtfully from the very first day, we protect the most important people in adoption: The children.
As any adoptive parent who has gotten a new birth certificate for their child can tell you, a name change can be incredibly exciting. I know I’m very excited to announce that The Vaughan Firm blog has changed its name to Adoptivity. Why the change? Let’s face it: “The Vaughan Firm Blog” was not a very catchy name. Also, I realized that the blog is not about me and my law practice – it’s about you and your adoption-related questions. It’s about all the ways that families are formed: creatively, adaptively, receptively, responsively, inclusively. Here’s to a life of adoptivity!
I apologize for disappearing on you for a whole month – we’ve been moving! The process of staying on top of client matters while packing up all my files and moving to a new office got me thinking about the importance, for adoptive parents, of staying organized.
There’s a truth behind the joking description of the adoption process as a “paper pregnancy.” Over the course of the months when you are preparing to adopt, you will go through a lot of paperwork. If there were just one commandment for adopting families, it would be: Thou Shalt Keep Copies of Everything!
Make several folders in your filing cabinet to keep adoption documents easy to find. For example, you might want to put all the documentation you gathered for your home study (birth certificates, marriage licenses, income verification, proof of savings, medical records, etc.) in one folder. In another folder, include correspondence with your attorney and court documents. In another, keep information you receive about your adoptive child. At the front of your adoption file, keep a page with important contact information regarding your adoption, such as telephone numbers for your attorney, social worker, birth mother, agency, etc.
It’s a great idea to back up your documents by scanning them and keeping a copy on the computer, but remember that this is not a replacement for the originals! Computer failures inevitably happen at the worst possible moment, and originals are required in many situations anyway. You may wish to leave a complete set of documents with a friend or family member in case your set is accidentally lost or destroyed. Your attorney should have a complete set, as well.
If, like me, you are moving, keep your adoption files in a separate briefcase so they don’t accidentally get packed away where you can’t find them quickly. Bear in mind that if you move, you don’t have to have that extensive home study done all over again, but you will have to have an “update” study done to keep the court informed of the circumstances. Ask your attorney what the requirements are, particularly if you are moving to another state.
Staying organized through your “paper pregnancy” can be a challenge, but think of it this way: It’s great practice for parenthood! Before you know it, you’ll be filing pediatric records and report cards.
I always get tears in my eyes when I listen to the stories on National Public Radio’s “StoryCorps” program, but today’s is a very special one. Click here to hear an inspiring story about a mother who placed her son for adoption as a teenager, then went on to adopt a son many years later. Their story is heartwarming, and their love for each other even more so.
Save to Browser Favorites
Ask
backflip
blinklist
Bloglines
BlogMarks
Blogsvine
BUMPzee!
CiteULike
co.mments
Connotea
del.icio.us
DotNetKicks
Digg
diigo
dropjack.com
dzone
Facebook
Fark
Faves
Feed Me Links
Friendsite
folkd.com
Furl
Google
Hugg
Jeqq
Kaboodle
linkaGoGo
LinksMarker
Ma.gnolia
Mister Wong
Mixx
MySpace
MyWeb
Netvouz
Newsvine
PlugIM
popcurrent
Propeller
Reddit
Rojo
Segnalo
Shoutwire
Simpy
sk*rt
Slashdot
Sphere
Sphinn
Spurl.net
Squidoo
StumbleUpon
Technorati
ThisNext
Webride
Windows Live
Yahoo!
Email This to a Friend
If you like this then please subscribe to the 
Comments(1)
